41 Comments
Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

where i start to roll my eyes is when design parent-ism (the performative kind that gets displayed on social media) extends to the child’s room once they are beyond infant age. i know your four year old does not feel an affinity for that tasteful earth-tone triangle pennant or whatever please be for real! i do think it’s important for kids to have some sense of ownership & belonging over their own space from pretty early on even though that almost always clashes with our own aesthetic desires if we’re honest. the flip side of that is that the adult members of the family should also have the freedom to express _their_ aesthetics in the parts of the home they are responsible for. in my house this includes the shared spaces, but as they get older we do involve them in decorating decisions the same way we are slowly increasing their responsibility for shared chores. it is actually really fun to pick out art with your kids, or let them arrange a tchotchke shelf with items they feel are worthy of display! their gd ninja turtle figures get put the fuck away in their room, though

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Oct 23Liked by Leonora Epstein

YES! My five year old daughter’s room looks like a unicorn exploded in it, but our living room and dining room are for sure my expression of aesthetic. And I have zero guilt about it!

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author

Ha! I can feel this day coming for me

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author

love this perspective :)

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

I don’t let my 4 year old eat messy snacks on our gorgeous Kazak living room rug but when my 10 month old spits up on it I just wipe it away and don’t worry about it because good quality rugs are made to last and wool is easy to clean. Also, it’s MY living room and having some cheap trash from Ruggable would probably make me resent my children.

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author

So I guess I should go ahead and get that dream rug...

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Oct 24Liked by Leonora Epstein

Do it!

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author

Ok!

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We do have a kids “corner” we have a low string shelving system along one wall, and we just extended it so she could keep toys on one section of it, and it can all get put away when she is done. She also has an Isakon donkey reissue that she uses as a book shelf. So her furniture very much matches the rest of our living room. She can then use either the coffee or dining table if she needs to, I don’t necessarily see the need for much kids furniture.

In her room she has more string shelving for all her storage that can be moved around and changed out as she grows and a bookshelf we found on the street. Besides her bed the only kids furniture she has are two cloud shaped shelves that she used for cuddly toys.

We have a trip trap chair, that in theory she can use until a teenager, but aged three she prefers to have a grown up chair, but they do look ok, and easy to sell on.

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Fantastic piece...I particularly love that green S sofa....GLORIOUS!

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author

Oh you

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I think where I come down is that I try to balance design and practicality. Is the item in a room that my kid will use a lot and therefore risk spilling on? If so, is there a version of it that doesn’t sacrifice aesthetic but is still practical for my family and easy to clean and maintain? For me, I’d rather buy a Ruggable that I can throw in the wash or a fun-colored or patterned couch that’s easy to clean than splurge on the item of my dreams and have my child ruin it. I’d be devastated and it would just feel like wasted money. Also, my kids are 8 and 10 now and much less messy. My house finally has many of the items I have always wanted; it may just be a few years delayed. I guess what I’m saying is that you do NOT have to buy the ugly kids’ items (I also mostly refused) or if you do, you can absolutely relegate them to your kid’s room or a playroom (this is something we do). And at the same time, I think there are certain practical sacrifices that have felt worth it to me. I want my family to be comfortable in my home and my kid is included in that—I don’t want my house to feel like a museum full of things my kid can’t touch or I’m terrified will get broken or ruined. After all, it’s my home but it’s also my kids’ home and they deserve to feel like it’s made with them in mind.

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

i think some of this angst is about figuring out a relatively new identity as a parent and it just…feels less important the more years you get under your belt. sometimes there’s more kid stuff around than others, it doesn’t have to be a line drawn in the sand, and also kids of a certain age are gonna pee and spill on stuff. it doesn’t last forever and you don’t have to make permanent decor decisions based on that

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author

Thank you for sharing!

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Oct 22·edited Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

Hi, my parents are "regular people" (not designers or artists or gazillionaires) with a keen eye for design and collecting, their home was in Dwell back in the day. So: context. I feel really lucky to have grown up amongst such beauty and bounty AND ALSO its not the kind of home I've created for myself/my kids because I never felt quite relaxed in it. Like, can't leave a damn book or glass of water down for a minute, ya know?

I buy what I like - some things valuable, some things Ikea - and throw it together in my house, and my kids stuff goes in the mix. My husband has had some special pieces made for us as well that are special for us (eg a custom book case; a really fantastic baby play bed thing). Custom was affordable for us because we weren't living in the west.

Its a bit chaotic. But its our home. Feeding into that is we are expats and move every few years. So some pieces are beautiful memories for us but we're also re-establishing a home from scratch and its never quite done..

I do seek parental insights sometimes re arranging furniture or buying bigger/key pieces - and I love their insights - as noted they have fantastic taste.

I'll be honest - their house never felt HOMEY to me, because I could never relax in it. And I love them so much and gained so much from them!

But I needed to breathe and allow (some, not alot) mess to feel at home. I don't claim I'm doing better with my kids then they did with me - just claiming they had their way, I have my way, and my kids will have theirs.

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author

I'm learning that it's about the balance.

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Oct 26Liked by Leonora Epstein

Everything in moderation is the key. Of course it’s ok to raise your kids surrounded by beauty as long as it’s a home and not a museum, so things get to be scratched, and soiled, and broken. They get to mainly live in your aesthetic but if they get a gift they love that you hate - you live with it, remembering that it’s not forever and most likely they will outgrow it. The best advice for kids - source things second hand, even lovely expensive things can be found that way. Everyone wins

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author

Exactly!

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I have a two year old and although my house is far from where I would like it to be, decor-wise (champagne taste on a beer budget, much?), I do have a general “look” I have kept in mind when buying things for her. For example, our room where my vision has been able to be executed the most, which is our den, is painted a sublime light blue floor from to ceiling, has a couch that was designed (by me) to fit with the blue, and has a Persian rug and built in shelves (also light blue). I’ve acquired various pieces of bamboo furniture over the years, it’s a strong feature of the look I’m going for in the room overall. So, to further coordinate with this aesthetic, I ended up purchasing the bamboo children’s chairs shaped like bows from poppie and a minimalistic looking (but also useful sized) Melissa and Dave table from Amazon. When it’s not covered in crafts/crayons/legos, it compliments my space. My daughter’s room is just off this room, so it is also decorated commensurate with my chosen aesthetic for the house, but more fun and whimsical (pale pink walls, a Zara Home hot air balloon light fixture, but also an antique Staffordshire lamp and a large ornate Chippendale style mirror over the dresser that will probably move elsewhere in the house eventually. My point being, I’m most definitely what you describe as a “design parent” but it helps that my personal style likes whimsy and color (and French antiques), and so it hasn’t been too much of a challenge to integrate my daughter’s stuff into this aesthetic, and I really don’t feel like I’m compromising all that much. I do feel like whenever we are forced to embrace Disney princesses/unicorns/taylor swift, etc. that I can figure out ways to make it work.

Really enjoyed your writing on this!

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Oct 23Liked by Leonora Epstein

This resonates so much with me. As a parent of 2 kiddos 5 and under, I feel the pressure to “let loose” and just let the toys hang out in every corner of the house. But that doesn’t feel like me; for the sake of my sanity we contain the toys in their respective bedrooms (for the most part). At the end of the day, any toys that make it out get cleaned up and put away. It’s our way of resetting for the following day and makes the adult time after bedtime more enjoyable.

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author

We also try to do that same resetting ritual

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Oct 23Liked by Leonora Epstein

I agree with you too! We had a very tiny budget when my kids were younger (solo parent) and I remember having a few toys out in the living room but the decor was all mine. Their rooms could have the cheap cars mat and the ugly bright purple rug and whatever else they picked out, but it wasn’t going out into the rest of the home.

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Thanks for sharing!

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Oct 23Liked by Leonora Epstein

Great piece. We are incredibly lucky to have a designated playroom. At the end of any day, I am pretty adamant about shuffling any errant toys I find in other rooms into that room. We enjoy having our adult space!

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author

Wow WISH we had that!

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Oct 23Liked by Leonora Epstein

At our previous home we used the tent trick too to hide all the toys/baby things 🫠

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author

It works!

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

When my daughter was small she and I lived with my parents, so toys always went back to our room when she went to bed. I never minded, and she didn’t have specific kid-furniture - although she did have her books on the bookshelves. My granddaughter has an area of her parents’ living room - toy kitchen, chair and table, bookshelves, baskets for games etc., but they are definitely of the tasteful, painted wood variety. I don’t think there’s anything wrong about not wanting to have the spaces you relax in overcome with garish plastic, when you know it would affect you.

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author

Thanks for the validation!

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

I bought my kid all the ugly shit she wanted, and that included toys, clothing, shoes, and once she was old enough, I gave her some agency over her room (full agency now since you can barely walk it's so messy haha). She has always had a designated area for playing, but the toys ended up everywhere. We just clean them up when guests came over. It felt like a tradeoff for me not having to buy kid-friendly furniture with round corners, etc. but we never treated anything we had as if it was "off limits" to her.

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Thanks for sharing!

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

ooh nestig is so cute! thanks for the tip. I went into parenting like "i am only going to buy stuff that is aesthetic to MY eye" and quickly got over that when it came to gifts/hand me downs/things that worked. BUT once we moved out of our apartment and into our house, we decided we would keep all of our daughter's things in her bedroom (no kids books even in our living room - those she keeps in her room too) and it has really calmed down the feeling in the space. Do i still need to vacuum everytime she eats at our table? yes, but at least object wise, everything else is in the realm of adulthood.

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Oct 22·edited Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

oh ps i let her pick out her rug from ruggable lol and she picked out this rainbow one she loves so loves to hang out on the floor of her room on it. TBD on when i will get to buy a nice antique chinese art deco one for the house.... maybe when she goes to college

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author

you are welcome! <3

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

I'm with you! We have my kids' (4 and 2) Lalo table and chairs (aesthetically pleasing) downstairs and ONE basket (with a lid) of their stuffed animals/toys and some books, of course. The rest of their toys are in their rooms. I think if we had a one story house, I'd have everything in their rooms, but I don't let my 2 year old go up and down independently yet.

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author

I am with you on aesthetically pleasing kids furniture. Check out Nestig!

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

I love this and couldn't agree more! I don't have a kids corners in my living room but they can still and will play everywhere. At night we just put everything back in their room. Thank you for sharing!

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author

Of course! It's great to hear from other like-minded parents.

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

You're not alone! I do suggest a nugget because it will last as long as it needs to last and kids can do all sorts of things with it. Plus they don't look bad. Now that my kid is 8 (and probably even a few years now) I've had all kid things in his own room instead of in the living room. I can't tolerate clutter very well, especially not garrish clutter. Also I recommend an indoor yoga swing or similar. Great for all and still tolerable aesthetically. This makes me think I need to write a post about this haha.

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author

I admit I have been curious about the Nugget

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Oct 22Liked by Leonora Epstein

I curse myself for not getting one when he was young. Don't make the same mistake lol

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