An Exploration of Period Furniture

PERIOD as in BLOOD, not "of the era."

In which Natasha Lyonne's character in 'Slums of Beverly Hills' (1998) bleeds on custom needlepoint dining chair covers.

Let me be clear: Today’s post is not about period furniture, which generally refers to antiques of the Western world. Today’s post is about period — as in blood! — furniture.

Since the dawn of civilization, women have been dealing with menstruation, a monthly event that, to me, confirms God’s status as an adolescent boy. “How about we make her gush blood from her…VAGINA? YEAH!”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how domestic design has largely neglected to address women’s pain — and pretty much ignores the existence of periods. Historically, menstruation has been treated with disgust, uncleanliness, and sin. In Indian, Indonesian, and Ethiopian Jewish cultures, menstruation huts were constructed on outskirts of villages where women were banished for the duration of their periods; these spaces were inhospitable, dirty, and poorly ventilated.

Despite our economic and moral progress, the modern home space does little to accommodate periods. It’s 2024 and we have an entire industry devoted to seating and mattresses focused on non-period-related back pain — yet there are close to zero home products that offer any benefit to the female experience.

And so, I’ve done my best to assign menstrual meaning to furniture. We’re looking mostly at seating that provides optimal comfort with features for easing pain through heat.

But first, a ‘lil funsie — I “curated” a Farrow & Ball Period collection:

Togo Sofa

The iconic Togo — which is perhaps overused in design these days — encourages slouch-ery and questionable (yet comfortable) posture. Togos are more often sold armless, but this version, in an appropriate bright red shade, has arms to create a cocooning effect.

Chairry

During the low days of one’s period, what you really need is an anthropomorphized chair that can deliver hugs and positivity.

Chairry Substitute

Seeing as, to my best knowledge, Chairry is not real, this fuzzy chair by Charlotte Kingsnorth appears to be a decent substitute. Although it is over $30,000.

Aqua Creations Loveseat

Looks kinda like a brain but could also be uterine wall-y. “Aqua Creations took the idea of ones own topography further and developed a collection with a special, hand stitched upholstery technique, reminiscent of the fluid forms found in nature.”

No-Brand Heated Massage Chaise

You can get this heated massage chair at multiple big-box retailers (Amazon, Home Depot, Walmart, etc.) It is hella ugly but kinda takes inspiration (I’m sure not consciously) from this Mies for Knoll chaise.

Fatboy Bean Bag Chair

I really know nothing about Fatboy other than I’ve seen it around here and there. The brand name does not conjure pleasing images for me. Yet this bean bag chair feels period-friendly. It features a rocking base so when you’re at a 10 for pain, you can rock back and forth in a trance until it’s over.

Gallanter & Jones Apollo Chair

While this molded chair doesn’t look like the apex of comfort consider this: It’s a heated outdoor seat. Grab a blanket, the wine, 4 Advils, and attempt to let your disdain for the patriarchy melt away.

Sixpenny Elias Daybed

Okay, so my actually useful suggestion for comfort during a period would be any of Sixpenny’s daybeds (I have a Sixpenny couch, v. comfy) + a Bucky (heat up in the microwave, smells like toasty buckwheat). Perfect formula.

Have I missed something? Or do you have have a solve in the way of furniture/decor for the tragedy of your period? Let me know in the comments!

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Schmatta is written by Leonora Epstein, a former shelter pub editor-in-chief. Follow at @_leonoraepstein and/or @schmattamag. For consulting and collab requests, please visit my website.